From the memoir: Malala recounts her first visit to Pakistan after the attempt on her life
Excerpt from ‘Finding My Way’ by Malala Yousafzai
When I arrived in Birmingham for spring break, I told my father that we needed to go to Pakistan. If my university friends could visit their home countries during holidays, I felt I should have that same right. My patience was wearing thin — it seemed that if I didn’t go now, I might never go.
“Let’s put it off until summer,” he said.
I replied defiantly,
“If you want to wait, that’s fine. I’ll go by myself. I’ll book my own flight, take a cab to the airport, and call Moniba when I land.”
Inside, I knew I wasn’t that daring, but perhaps my father couldn’t be sure — and that uncertainty gave me some strength. Every time we tried, the same answer came back from officials:
“It’s not the right moment for Malala’s return.”
He’d heard this so many times that I feared he was losing hope. My frustration boiled over.
“It will never be the ‘right’ moment! I am a Pakistani citizen with a valid passport. They have no grounds to stop me.”
I sounded angry, yet my heart was breaking. At 24 Obs, I’d felt closer to home in a few weeks — through food, music, sports, and language — than I had in years. That sense of rediscovery was bittersweet, like warmth returning to numb hands. I was done scrolling through old friends’ profiles and wandering Pakistani streets on Google Maps. I couldn’t keep dreaming of my homeland only to wake up lost every morning.
Author’s Summary
Malala recalls the emotional struggle of longing for her homeland, her clash with restrictions, and her determination to reclaim her connection to Pakistan.